Old Challoners vs Polytechnic FC
AFA Cup - Second Round

Team: Raithatha, Weisz, Redpath, Raaagers, Walsh, Croucher, Powell, Allen, Brown(Fuz), Baker, Fallon. Subs: Lowes, Gardner

Score: 0:1
Scorers:
Ground: Hervines Park, Amersham, Bucks
Att: 9 (a post-war record)

The Challoner Express came speeding into Hervines Park 'Theatre of Trees' after bulldozing all opposition in its path over recent weeks. As usual Conductor Weisz had compiled a dossier on the opposition and made it clear that last year's beaten finalists were no Christmas turkeys.

So it proved as the game began with Polytechnic FC playing some nice rat-a-tat football and winning most of the balls in the air. However, the Challoners defence held firm, restricting the opposition to long range efforts.

It was like a game of cruel chess. But who was the bishop?

Much to the chagrin of the capacity crowd, Challoners found it hard to execute the slick passing game that they are famous for. But Challoners have more sides to their game than a dodecahedron and with Baker looking massive up front and the pace of Fallon and Fuz on the wings, the long ball game was creating some chances.

The one real piece of quality from Challoners in the first half was a move reminiscent of Arsenal in their prime (3 years ago). Fuz cut open the Polytechnic defence like a tin of peas and slid the ball to a marauding Powellie who connected well but narrowly missed the target.

At half time the Challoners gaffer (Weisz) and assistant gaffer (Lowesy) threw a tea cup and a football boot at each player in turn. This inspired the team to a much improved performance in the second half.

As the game drew on, Challoners began to turn up the heat on the pressure cooker to create a sizzling pudding. The lucky sixpence in that pudding was a supersonic Fuz who was a constant menace to the Polytechnic defence. However he couldn't quite put the icing on the pudding.

On one occasion he did everything right, calmly lifting the ball over the Polytechnic keeper into an empty goal. Challoners were already jogging back to the half way line in celebration when the ball seemed to defy Newton's Third Law of Motion by creating its own energy and bouncing up to hit the crossbar. The defence cleared the danger.

Puppet masters, Powellie and Matt Allen began to pull the strings in midfield and the Challoners defence was soaking up any pressure like some kind of crazy sponge. Rogers and Redders were colossi at the back, along with new right-back Croucher (see last week's report for reasons).

Fallon, notorious for his exceptional second half performances, charged down a defensive clearance and faced a one on one with the goalkeeper. 'Snake hips' Fallon tried to dribble around the keeper, but the Polytechnic number 1 stayed big and got a touch on the ball to send it out for a corner. Goal kick given.

In the 68th minute, The Polytechnic centre forward attacked through the centre of the pitch. Walsh came inside to cover and from about ten yards outside his own penalty area caught the ball sweetly with his right foot (as usual) and cleared the danger. Or so he thought. Once again the laws of physics were brought into disrepute as the ball ricocheted off the centre forward's rock hard nipple, with twice the momentum it started with, to send the ball back towards the Challoners goal. Sunil had no chance as the ball curled around him at speed and into the bottom right-hand corner of the goal. Unbelievable. Polytechnic 1 Challoners 0.

Challoners brought on their two subs Lowes and Gardner, whilst Polytechnic lost a player through injury, meaning they were down to ten men. Lowesy's sheer Makelele-esque presence seemed to spur the Challoners side on to even greater things. It was all-out attack on the Polytechnic goal but due to some good defending the score remained 1 - 0.

In the 86th minute, Fallon crossed the ball like a head-seeking missile and Baker leapt like a salmon on a trampoline at the back post to head the ball goalwards, only for the Polytechnic keeper to make another impressive save.

After the referee had checked Baker's boots for springs, the game continued but Challoners failed to convert their chances and no further goals were scored.

At the final whistle, teammates were quick to console a demoralized Walsh. None more so than David Croucher who said "The whole team blames you. In fact every goal we've ever conceded has been your fault." A true mentor and friend.

The game was played in a sporting atmosphere and football was the real winner. More accurately, however, Polytechnic FC were the real winners and Challoners were left to rue a ball with a life of its own and a bionic nipple.

Man of the Match - Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagers (of course!)