Union Baptist Church - Old Challoners

Team: Raithatha (not used), Weisz, Redpath (Foster), Raaaagers, Walsh, Croucher, Powell, Lowes, Fallon (Lancaster), Baker, Fuzz

Score: 0:11
Scorers:- Baker 4, Fallon 3, Fuzz 2, Rogers, OG
Ground: The Rye - High Wycombe
Att: 9 and The Lord God Almighty

Having been cruelly eliminated from the AFA cup the previous week, and in so tasting defeat for the first time this season, there were murmurs of discontent in the terraces amongst the Challoners' faithful. Had the wheels finally fallen off the bandwagon??

So we arrived on a sunny November Saturday to resume cup duty in the now hugely respected (?) 'Berks and Bucks' cup. Our opposition, the Union Baptist Church were sure to test our mettle, fresh from their exertions in the 3rd Div of the Wycombe Church league.

After the now compulsory 'complacency' speech from Weisz the game kicked off, the normal 1 minute silence as a mark of respect at this time of year being totally ignored! Lowes' decision that he would be 'Ronaldo' today seemed optimistic given that the pitch had clearly suffered in the recent downpours and housed lakes in both goalmouths. This proved to be the case as Challoners struggled early on, failing to open the scoring until late into the first minute. It came courtesy of some good work down the right from Croucher (I know, I couldn't believe it either) and Captain Weisz. The ball was squared to Lowesy who saw something no-one else had and 'sold the dummy'. The resulting ricochet fell to Fallon 10 yards out, who slotted calmly home having observed the deep breath instructed by Weisz pre kick off. 0-1.

This seemed to knock the stuffing out of the Union side and an early on-slaught ensued. Weisz ignored his own pre-match instructions to play sensible football and scuffed a 35 yard left footer wide, otherwise Challoners were playing some great football, tainted as it was by the lack of quality confronting us. Sunil offered to go and make a round of tea and only comedy exploits from Rogers' attempted wrong-footing of Sunil and Fallon attempting to head at pace with the ball only a foot of the ground kept the crowds interest.

This said it took until the half hour mark to find the key to unlock the oppo. Fallon opened up the defence with a smart turn and broke into the area to square for Baker 'B&B specialist' to stab in. The remainder of the half then continued in a similar vein, Fuzz adroitly converting a swinging corner that attack and defence both seemed scared of, Jimbo doubling his tally from the penalty spot following more shameless 'diving' from Fallon, and finished off on the stroke of half time by Fallon with an unusually sweet strike from the edge of the box after Croucher expertly created the opportunity by running for cover, presumably fearful of where the impending lash might end up! So 0-5 at half-time and fairly regulation… thus far.

The second half started the way the first ended. Fuzz slotted home after a good ball from midfield, Baker rose like a puffer fish from a Fallon corner to head home powerfully and complete his hat-trick, and following a one-two corner a Fallon shot was blocked on the line only for Rogers to spot the impossible gap between the defender and post to squeeze it in. A great burst from Croucher almost ended in the goal of the game, but fortunately the finish was up to usual standard and slammed the bar…maybe a bit more needs to be filed off those toblerones? Fallon then competed his own hat-trick after a great chest down from Fuzz.

At some point along the way the attacking options were further bolstered with 2's centre backs Foz and Lancs arriving on the scene, and a further OG from the defence set the tone for what was to follow.

Powell opened comedy proceedings, heading over from point blank range with the goal begging, but he was to prove merely a 'fluffer' for the orgy of entertainment that Fuzz was about to serve up for the long-suffering fans.

He began his set with a Benny Hill impersonation - a hat-trick of misses, impressively including post, keeper and defender all in the space of 5 crazy seconds. Baker had seen all he needed to at this point and arrived to spare his strike partner further blushes and stroked in for his 4th and Challoners 11th. Not to be outdone, the big guns tried to grab their own headlines and sliced one header after the other wide of target. But no-one could anticipate what Fuzz had in store. Following instinctively onto a fumbled shot he calmly took the now mandatory deep breath and from 1 yard lifted the ball past the advancing keeper. The goal was gaping, the crowd held its collective breath, the keeper spun round fearing the worst and the ref began to mark 0-12 in his book….
As he left the pitch Fuzz was heard to mutter "I just want to get back to the changing room and get out before anyone else gets there". Enough said.

Still, it is rare that even the supporters of a team who are 11-0 down are left in creases along with most of the players on the pitch!

In what was ended up being a one sided affair the game was played in very good spirits and even the Referree commented on how much he had enjoyed the game and how both teams played in it. Hats off to the Union Baptist Church who were a young bunch of lads and played in good grace, who may not have been expecting to come up against the Challoners side which has only been beaten 3 times in the last 18 months.

And so it ended. Perhaps a useful exercise in shooting practice, however, with a huge match against the Premier leaders next week, Challoners would be best served to put this farce out of their minds and start preparing for the Weisz complacency speech and tougher tests ahead.

Man of the match - Fallon